Rest in Peace, Grandpa Becker

Well, needless to say, the last few days have been difficult and very emotional.... Keith's Grandpa Becker passed away last Wednesday, September 24th. We are going to miss him so much; he was a very special person. The funeral was on Saturday, the 27th and it was a beautiful service. It's so hard when someone dies, it's just hard to believe they're gone... I still can't believe my dad is gone sometimes. I hope Keith is ok. I think he will be, but it sure does hurt me when I see him cry. I wish I could make it all better, but I can't. Death is a part of life. We are going to miss Grandpa Becker so much!!! I told Keith that Dad and Grandpa are hanging out together in heaven right now. :)

Also, I believe Keith and I have picked out our little girl's name. It's going to be Alexandra Grace Becker. Alexandra means "helper of mankind" and Grace means "blessing from God." I love it!! I bought her bedding yesterday on Target.com and got a great deal. I got the quilt, bumper pad, fitted sheet, drapes, dust ruffle, hamper, and diaper stacker.

  

I am trying to get this house cleaned out and get rid of anything that is not contributing to my sanity. It's difficult though, some days I have a hard time chunking things; I am a very sentimental person, and stuff I can't seem to get rid of gets shuffled from room to room. It's madness! It is definitely crunch time in the Becker household though.... if October flies as quickly as this entire year has, it'll soon be Halloween! Then in November, we have 2 friends having babies, one is due on the 1st and the other on the 13th I believe, there's Thanksgiving, Bradyn's birthday party (I think it's going to be the weekend right after Thanksgiving), the one year mark of my dad's death (which is totally going to throw me for an emotional loop, I already know it), Christmas, New Year's, I'll probably have a baby shower in early January, and then it's baby girl time! Please pray for us and all that's been going on in our life lately, the wonderful blessing of this baby girl and our recent loss of Grandpa Becker. 

IT'S A.....

GIRL!!! We're having a baby girl!!!! I'm so excited! The body scan ultrasound went great.... baby is measuring right on schedule; she's currently 14 1/2 oz. Due date is still January 31st, and I am 20 weeks, 6 days today.  :-)  Now I just have to try not to go crazy shopping! 

a description of natural childbirth

I am on a baby website that allows women to post topics and answer questions and concerns about pregnancy, parenting, and everything in between. A girl posted a topic last night, something about it being her first baby and she was "deathly afraid of labor". Several people commented on the topic, but I really like this answer in particular and thought I would repost it....

"Ok... so speaking as a birthing assistant, here is a labor overview for you. This is the description of a natural, unmedicated birth where you allow nature to do its thing!
If you want to feel something similar to contraction pain, here is a visual for you. Grab your leg and try to pull it up towards your head as far as you can. (or stretch forward like you're doing a hamstring stretch.) When you get to that stretching/burning/aching sensation in your hamstring... push a little farther til you think its almost unbearable... and that is pretty similar to the pain of a contraction. Same type of pain. Although it's located in your pelvic/cervix area mostly... The tightening doesn't really hurt your belly, it starts to tighten and as it reaches its peak, the achy burning starts up in your cervix... so kind of where you would feel period cramps. (back labor is a totally different thing, and I have never experienced that, so I cant describe it first hand for you). Contractions only last about two minutes and then they release so you get a break in between. You are not in constant pain... if you can relax and get through those two minutes you get a chance to breathe and rest a minute before the next one. You can endure pretty much anything for two minutes! (and the peak of the contraction is usually only 20 or 30 seconds long, that's where it really hurts.)
You just take one at a time and relax your body into the pain, and allow it to do its work (which is stretching your cervix around baby's head and opening it all the way so you can push!) Gravity also helps this go alot faster, so its helpful to be in upright positions through much of labor, walking or sitting on a birthing stool or something. I can't stress enough, RELAXATION is the key!
The more tense you are, the longer dilation will take and the more painful it will be, so its best to try to relax completely during each contraction and release into the pain instead of tensing up and trying to fight it, as so many women do. The women who are able to relax and release into that pain most effectively tend to have the shortest labors.
That, in fact, was the hardest work of labor for me. Mind over matter, relaxing through the pain. Once you get in the groove of it and find a coping mechanism that allows you to relax, whether its a certain noise you make, a certain phrase you say, a breathing pattern, picturing something in your mind, having someone rub your feet, whatever it is, you will probably stick to it and do it the same way with each contraction. It becomes like a trance almost, as you internalize and focus your body on what its trying to do! Then between contractions you can snap out of it and be totally awake and talking in the beginning, and as labor progresses towards transition, you will probably end up dozing off and sleeping between them, or at least resting as much as possible. Just before pushing, you reach transition, which is where the contractions come one on top of the other and you feel like you have reached the end of your strength! You may begin to tremble a bit as your body is flooded with even more hormones, and you really feel like you can do no more, you are DONE! You cant do it any longer! When you reach this point, REJOICE! It means you are almost done! It only lasts a little while and then you are fully dilated and ready to push!
Then once you get to the pushing, the pain totally changes, it doesn't really hurt anymore, its very relieving for most women to be able to push with each contraction. Your contractions slow down and you may get as many as five minutes between them! Generally you snap out of your internalized mode and are very awake and focused and full of energy. (Unless your baby is presenting funny, like sunny side up, then pushing can be very long and difficult...) In a normal birth, the only part that hurts much is when the head crowns, it burns a bit. First time moms usually push right around an hour, (remember, the contractions are farther apart, so you may only have 12-15 contractions and pushes in an hour!) but it can be anywhere from ten minutes to two hours, it just depends on how the baby is presenting and how effectively mom is pushing. Then once the head is out, the rest of the body follows in a second or two and you are finished! Most triumphant moment of your life. You get this crazy hormonal high and you feel like you could get up and run a marathon, most women laugh and cry and scream and say really funny things... it's a great moment. There is nothing like the high and the relief that follows childbirth... Makes it ALL worth it when you finally have your baby in your arms!
Anyways... that's the best description of how labor works that I can give. Good luck, all of you are more than capable of giving birth to your little ones! Best of luck to you."

 

I HAD to respond because I was just blown away with this girl's answer: "Well that was a great description and I enjoyed reading it... I desperately want a natural birth this next time around and I am mentally preparing myself for it and educating myself beyond belief, hiring a doula, etc. .... but I have to admit when I was reading your description of the contractions I found myself tensing up on the couch!!! lol. I have alot of mental work to do before Jan. 31. thank you for your response to the OP (original post), it was great.... puts it all in perspective."

 

And here's what she wrote back (more AWESOME advice!): "Well I am not kidding when I say that 80 percent of the work of labor is in your mind. You get your head in the right place, and the rest will follow! Your beliefs have ALOT to do with your success. If you believe you can do it, you can! Sounds silly, but its absolutely true. There is nothing more important to your body's function than your mindset during labor. If you feel confident and safe and secure during your birthing process, your body and your hormones are better able to do their job without interference from your "fight or flight" instinct. Remember, throughout centuries of time, the human body has developed to avoid delivering a new baby into a a dangerous or fearful situation, just like animals. Labor is a force of nature, and its important not to interfere too much... (think of a pet cat, she will always hide somewhere to have her kittens). Being insecure can cause labor to stall. (why do you think so many women go to the hospital in labor only to have it peter out and be told they need pitocin???)
That being said, the fact that you are educating yourself, thinking positively, and hiring people to be with you who believe in you, believe in the process, and believe in your body tells me that you will have a wonderful birthing experience this time around! If you think you can, you can! And you will do beautifully, just as nature intended. Best of luck to you!! Your body was made to do this!"

WOW! I love that girl and I don't even know her...   :)

...Long week...

Well, I have to admit... things have been zipping right along and I cannot believe the 19th is almost here! I am so anxious to know what this baby is! I once had this crazy idea to not find out the sex, but that thought was long gone once I became pregnant. I admire anyone who can wait that long, esp. when modern technology has the information at your fingertips. It'd be a wonderful surprise, but I can't hold out till the end of January. Plus, if I'm having a little girly, I'm doing pink and purple and all the girl colors and I want ample time to prepare. So... while the last 4 weeks have been fast, this week is dragging. Keith left for Atlanta on Sunday, Sept. 14 at 10 am and with him gone all day, it made it seem like a weekday... so basically I walked around all day thinking it was Monday instead of Sunday. Also, Bradyn bear is sick right now and had to miss school today. His nose has been stuffy/runny for about a week, but Monday morning he woke up and it was all in his throat and he had a bad cough to go along with his stuffy nose. He knows when daddy is gone he can come sleep in the bed with me, which... yeah... meant he was the only one sleeping last night and the night before. When he's lost in dreamland, I'm busy trying to get comfortable with this growing belly of mine and my bulky body pillow,  I'm trying to fall asleep in between Bradyn hacking and breathing through a snotty, stopped up, whistling nose, and if I don't fall asleep fast enough, I have to get up and pee anywhere from 3-4 times in an hour. On top of it all, my loud horse of a dog can generally be found (and definitely heard!) barking at something ridiculous... for instance.. he generally starts barking at 6:30 every morning at the kids walking to the corner waiting for the bus (we have a corner lot, fantastic with a crazy chocolate lab... NOT!). The bus finally shows up at 6:45, which sends him into an even bigger conniption fit. He'll quiet down for a few minutes (to let me get ALMOST back to sleep) and then someone will stroll by walking their dog which gets him going again. Grrrrr. Maybe today is a grouchy day to write a blog... oh well, I'm not done yet....   ;)

Anyway, I believe my son is (hopefully) at the tail end of his terrible two's. He has been a rebellious handful lately. His favorite thing to say to me right now is "hush it mom!" and the infamous "no!". It makes me so angry. I lost it last night with Keith being gone and after repeating myself for the 2,846,433 time that day.... I started to get mad but then I just burst out crying because sometimes I don't know what to do with him! He is very headstrong and stubborn and it seems like nothing works. There is such a fine line between punishment and discipline and it's hard to know when to apply which technique in which circumstance, esp. when he's awake for 15 hours out of the day, LOL! I get so exhausted. I got a book a couple of months ago called, "Making Your Child Mind without Losing Yours," ..... I think it's time to read it, along with the 50 million other things I need to do. :(  

Onto my doula search..... technically it's not a "search" anymore because we found one! We interviewed 3 doulas and they were all extremely nice and they all seemed to know what they were talking about. It was difficult to make a decision, but Keith and I feel like we chose the right one to help guide, support, and inform us throughout the pregnancy and birth. I have even considered looking into doula certification myself, not right now of course, but later on. We'll see.

Well, that's about all for today. I'll update Friday when (crossing fingers) we find out "boy" or "girl"! Sorry I rambled today.  :)

September is already flying by!

Wow, it seems like we've been really busy again here all of a sudden... I have alot to write about today. :)

First off, Bradyn started school on Tuesday, 9/2. It all hit me like a ton of bricks when I was making his lunch that morning... not just that Bradyn was starting preschool, but everything in general, like how fast LIFE happens and how quickly time passes. I remember my momma making me lunches when I went to Kindergarten.. now I'm 26 and married and having babies. Keith and I both got to take Bradyn in for his first day. We hugged and kissed him and told him bye. He didn't blink an eye when we left, just started playing like he was on a mission. I teared up and turned around and went in the hall with Keith following me. I felt like sitting down and bawling my eyes out, but I did manage to keep it together. Then, I had to tell Keith bye on top of Bradyn's goodbye; Keith had to be on his way to the airport because he is on yet another business trip, this time to Mexico. What a rough start to my Tuesday! I dropped Bradyn off today and was fine, no tears. I realized the other day how nice it was to go to the bathroom by myself again, something I hardly EVER get to do anymore!!! Ha ha!

In other news, Keith felt the baby kick last Friday! I was 18 weeks exactly. That is considerably earlier than when he first felt Bradyn, so we were both really surprised! Keith felt Bradyn at 21 weeks, so this was a whole 3 weeks earlier! I am so anxious to get my sonogram, but waiting hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. The time is passing quite fast actually. Here's a picture of me, taken today. I'll be 19 weeks tomorrow.

Also, I am currently searching for a birth doula. My wish is to have a natural labor and birth with this baby. I was induced and had an epidural with Bradyn. I had every intention of going natural with Bradyn, but it didn't work that way... My doctor suggested induction (mine was NOT medically necessary) and being naive, I agreed. I was not aware of the risks of indcution, I was very eager to meet Bradyn, and I didn't know how hellacious induced labor contractions would be. I am thankful that my birth turned out well with Bradyn, but I do not wish to be induced again unless it becomes necessary. I want a much different birth experience this time, my fear is that in the middle of it all, when the going gets tough, I will default to the epi again... That is why I've decided to hire a doula. I do not want simply to give birth this time, I want to experience it. A doula is "a non-medical assistant who provides various forms of non-medical support (physical, emotional and informed choice) in the childbirth process." In other words, someone to keep my head on straight and keep me focused. Doulas do not replace dads, or the main support person, "the doula is an ally and occasional mentor for the father or partner. Their respective roles are similar, but the differences are crucial. The father or partner typically has little actual experience in dealing with the often-subtle forces of the labor process, and may receive enormous benefit from the birth-familiar presence of a doula in the vicinity. Even more important, many fathers experience the birth as an emotional journey of their own and find it hard to be objective in such a situation, and a doula facilitates the family process. Studies have shown that fathers usually participate more actively during labor with the presence of a doula than without one. A responsible doula supports and encourages the father in his support style rather than replaces him." There, Wikipedia explained it better than I could have. :) I believe the difference this time and when I was pregnant with Bradyn will be significant. I thought I was going to float into the hospital with Bradyn and pop out a baby. Granted, I knew it was going to hurt, and hurt badly, but I had no idea an induction would affect my body like it did. That in turn affected my mind. I was not mentally prepared for natural childbirth last time. I am educating myself by reading books and articles, I want to take an intensive childbirth class over the course of several weeks, and I think hiring a doula is the best decision I could make. Some people may be wondering why I would possibly want to do this, in fact, I have already kinda sorta been criticized for not "planning" an epidural... The fact of the matter is, a woman's body was made to birth children! Yes, there was the fall of Adam and Eve.. God said women would suffer giving birth, and I'm sure birth isn't nearly as pleasurable now as it was originally intended to be, but it is still very much do-able. God is merciful and I think if a woman is prepared and knowledgeable, trusts her body, mind, and God, she can do it! Now, if labor becomes excessively long, drawn out, and complicated, or poses any risks to the baby, I will do whatever is necessary to have my child safely.

I have to go, because I have a lunch date (kiddo-free!!!) with one of my old friends I went to college with. Mexican food, here I come!